‘Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to…’
You want to focus on your work. Just get on with the job at hand.
Maybe it’s a report or an assignment that’s due tomorrow, an important presentation for your first meeting with potential business partners, or simply the next chapter in your book.
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The fire in your belly is burning; distractions all tucked away, your tools – charged up and ready. You put your trembling fingers on the keyboard, pen, textbook and take a deep breath.
And a thunder strikes behind you – knock-knock.
And a familiar voice calls out:
– ‘Hey, Jo. Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to…’
Having murderous thoughts about people who interrupt you?
Yep, you’re glad you don’t have that knife handy, but your hand tightens on your coffee mug.
It may be your spouse, child, best friend, neighbour, a colleague or your boss. They’re not really bad people. You actually like them. Or love them. In any other circumstances you may even enjoy talking to them. But boy, you would kill them in those moments when they interrupt or distract you, dragging you away from what you should be doing.
Again, you’ll waste precious minutes trying to find a way to terminate the conversation, your blood boiling. And when they’re finally gone – you’ll be in agony: your energy plummeted, your inspiration gone, and your job-at-hand still unfinished.
You have tried listening to them and even solving their problems for them, but there is always another one. You’ve tried gentle hints, but they don’t get it. You’ve been more direct – they got offended. You’re torn between the need and drive to get on with your job and not wanting to damage the relationships. You don’t know what else you to do.
Interrupting and distracting other people when they’re trying to get their jobs done should be a punishable crime, you think.
I feel your pain. I have been there, too. Dealing with people who interrupt and distract us is tricky. You want to be firm yet helpful, get your job done and listen to them, too. The realm of interpersonal relationships is difficult to negotiate. There is no right or wrong way, and not necessarily ‘either’- or’. Different approaches will work for different people at different points in time. But it’s doable.
I, too, have tried every trick under the sun, including killing the most notorious interrupters in my (still unpublished) short stories.
Some of those solutions worked better than others. And today, I’d like to share a few favourites with you.
So if you want to get on with your job without offending or killing those nearest and dearest interrupters of yours, and without coming across as a selfish jerk, keep reading.
I have written about dealing with distractions coming from your environment and your own mind.
If you think dealing with yourself and things around you was hard, you may be in for a shock. At least, you have control or influence over yourself or your environment; it’s not so easy and straightforward with other people.
Whether it’s your office colleagues, your friends, family, or even your flatmates, managing interpersonal relationships is usually more complex and delicate than simply rearranging your desk or turning your phone off. You cannot simply ‘shut off’ people who are close to you, because your actions may be perceived as rude and upsetting. Plus, more often then not, their support and help are invaluable and important to your success. So tread carefully and consider your options.
These strategies have worked for me, and some people I’ve talked to and hopefully they may work for you. But since it’s human nature we deal with, some of those approaches may work with some people some of the time.
Exercise your judgement before trying any of the strategies. Always think about the balance between potential benefits vs potential losses. Be respectful of yourself and others.
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Don’t work in a living/communal/public space
That’s my husband favourite line when I complain I can’t focus on what I’m doing while working on my laptop on the dining table.
Living and dining rooms, hallways, launderettes, shops, open office space, etc are created to facilitate human interaction and there is usually a tacit agreement that whoever is there does not mind the noise, chatter or being approached.
There are obviously some exceptions to it such as libraries, reading/study rooms, churches/places of worship. But generally you are more likely to be interrupted or distracted by other people and their coming and goings.
Accept that. This is the way it is and you are in the wrong demanding some peace and quiet.
Tip: if you cannot focus with noise and hustle and bustle around you, avoid public and communal areas. Find a quiet spot/room, close the door, ‘borrow a room’ from a friend or rent shared office space, go to the library, work in your car, or read on for more tips.
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If you have to work in a communal area, create a distraction-free oasis.
If you have to work in a communal area, create a distraction-free oasis
Sometimes we don’t have a choice, but to work in a communal area, be it because of limited space available, or open-plan office policy, or simply lack of resources.
During my first year as a medical student I was boarding with a very nice older woman, who loved having her friends round for coffee once a week. Sadly, the walls in the apartment were very thin and I couldn’t help but hear all the conversations and laughter.
I didn’t want to upset the otherwise super-nice landlady, so I started spending those afternoons poring over my textbooks at a local botanical garden. To avoid distractions from passers-by (and crazily chirping birds), I was listening to classical music. It worked wonders (but only as long as the weather was good).
If you prepare for it, a public/communal space can be less distracting than your own home.
- Wear headphones, earplugs etc.
Whether you are listening to music (as explained before, I’d recommend instrumental over anything with lyrics), or just trying to block noise, wearing a set of head- or earphones, or earmuffs not only will help you focus on your task, but will also deter anyone who may consider approaching you.
This technique can work well in an open-space office when you need to concentrate on your job without getting distracted by what your colleagues are doing.
Many of my fellow introverts uses those big noise-cancelling headphones/earmuffs when traveling on planes, trains and any other means of public transport where the person next to you may want to strike a conversation. I must admit, as an introvert, I have used this technique successfully numerous times.
Word of warning – obviously, by deterring people from approaching you, you risk loosing an opportunity to meet and talk to someone interesting, a potential business partner or a new friend/love of your life. Bear that in mind and make your choice according to your current priorities.
- Use your environment to screen yourself off the rest of the room/world
If you cannot bear sitting in an open space, use your environment to create a separation between you and the rest of the world.
Books, papers, magazines held right in front of face, although uncomfortable after a while, can provide an excellent screen. The screen of your computer/laptop can play a similar role.
If any of those things are not available, or not appropriate, find a spot where a piece of furniture can provide a separation. Pot plants, bookcases, open doors (be careful and mind the door!) can work as screens or separators, too.
You can also sit with your back to the rest of the room, facing the wall.
- Put a ‘Do Not Disturb – Work In Progress’ notice
Our home office has a ‘Work In Progress – Do Not Enter’ notice with a piece of sticky tape by the door. If you want to concentrate on your work, stick it on and close the door. Otherwise, anyone can enter at any time.
Put a note on your door to let your family know you ARE working
It works, most of the time. The most frequent ‘offender’ used to be my 6-year-old daughter. I had to have a few conversations around respecting the sign, some of them pretty desperate (she quietly opened the door while I was recording one of my videos and I didn’t realise what had happened until I saw her face in the background of my recording). But since then, when the door is closed with the notice on, she is the first one to stop anyone trying to enter or even knock on the door.
I have worked in open-space offices and seen ‘Do Not Disturb’ notices on cubicle walls, desks, and even chairs and people’s backs. However ridiculous it may sound to you, these little pieces of paper did work. My colleagues respected them, understanding this is the reality of a shared working space.
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Talk to people on your own terms
The purpose of addressing distractions and interruptions caused by other people is to enable you to focus without damaging any relationships. This is why it’s important that you communicate your intentions clearly to those around you. Be polite but assertive.
- Let them know in advance (and tell them what’s in it for them)
Telling your nearest and dearest that you are planning to work on your new book, math assignment or board presentation and asking not to be disturbed for a period of time is a great way of minimising the risk of them walking in when you’re in the middle of recording your next podcast or brainstorming your essay.
This can be as simple as informing your family, flatmates or office mates that you are abut to be unavailable for a (set a time) period of time and asking not to be disturbed. A brief explanation of the importance of the task and/or finishing the task on time may be helpful. As usually, the best arguments are those that show impact of the job completed (or not) on the potential disturber/interrupter.
In our house, adults respond well to deadlines that need to be met (because of reputation, other people relying on you, potential rewards form it), children to something ‘translated’ into the world, e.g. money to be earned for holidays or to pay for their favourite activity.
In an office situation often jobs you need to focus on will have an office- or company-wide impact, even if only on a small scale. So tell them you need 2 hrs to concentrate on finishing that data analysis so the rest of the team can progress to the next stage of the project.
If your task does not have a direct impact on the potential disturber/interrupter, think of an indirect link. This may be as simple as :
– ‘Hey, Joe! I’m going to clean the bathroom, just as we agreed, but absolutely have to finish the assignment today. I need a couple of hours only. Do you mind if I just concentrate on the assignment without any interruptions now and once it’s done, I’ll do the bathroom?’
- Offer them your time beforehand
If you work with people who notoriously interrupt you with minor things, misjudge what’s urgent or simply pop in for a chat when you’re trying to concentrate on your job, you may need another technique.
Obviously, if you want some peace and quiet to finish a report, you can just lock your door and disconnect your phone. While it would work most of the time, it may not stop some more determined offenders and would not help if you don’t have your own office. It may also be seen as rude and negatively impact on your relationships within your company.
Wherever interpersonal relationships are involved, whether you the boss or a person at the bottom of the pecking order, respect others and tread carefully. Always balance potential gains from improved productivity with potential losses in relationships and office politics.
A while ago, I had a work colleague who would come to my office to ask questions and ‘pick my brains’, often multiple times per day. To make things worse, she would only ask one thing at the time, so that it was ‘really quick’. This was obviously quite disruptive to my workflow and didn’t take long for me to start brewing murderous ideas.
Fortunately, for her and my own future, I came up with another idea. Every time I was planning to work in peace and quiet for some time, I would pop into her office to check if she had anything for me. I would usually say something along the lines of:
– ‘Hi, Amy. I’m just about to lock myself in the office to prepare the [insert an important task of the day/week]. I won’t be available for a couple of hours, so I’m just popping in to check if you have any burning questions or other issues I can help you with.’
Initially, when I first started doing it, she would usually say she did not have anything. Knowing her, I would add:
–‘It’s now or never till tomorrow. I’m locking myself in my office’.
I would do it with a light tone of voice and smile on my face, but also clearly indicating I would be locking the door and not answering.
First time round, only an hour later, she was furiously knocking at my office door and calling my name. I managed to stay quiet at my desk until she walked away. I must say, I felt guilty and weird after the first time, so I finished earlier than originally planned and went to talk to Amy. I just said something like:
– ‘Were you looking for me earlier on, Amy? I had my headphones on, listening to music. I really wanted to finish that [report] for the boss. Did you need me for anything?’
She blushed and apologised for interrupting me. It wasn’t anything urgent in the end (as it is often the case). It took her one or two more incidences like this before she realised I was sticking to my guns, but she finally stopped interrupting me.
Similar approach may work at home with your family or flatmates, too. If you have a relative or a friend who tend to call you often, you can try phoning them before your work/study session to check in with them. Again, remind your nearest and dearest that you are about to retreat into the peace and quiet of your office/workspace for a set amount of time and will be uncontactable for that period of time. Give them the reason why you want to do that now, and as always, try to present ‘what in it for them’, e.g:
– ‘I want to finish my assignment now, so that I can spend time with your tomorrow…. So I can join you for dinner… ‘ etc.
If the people you want to use this strategy with need your support/help often, you can offer to check in with them also after you have finished your work/study session. I found this approach works well with my child.
If you consider using this strategy, remember to weight up pros and cons of this approach, how firm, gentle or diplomatic you want to be, depending on what feels natural to you, but more importantly – on your relationships with your colleagues. I have chosen a quite straightforward approach, but soften it a little bit with a sense of humour and a little white lie for the sake of the relationship
Don’t let the ‘energy vampires’ leech on you
I can hear you sighing, it’s all good with most people, but what about those who cling on like a leech? What about those who are so self-absorbed they don’t even notice when I try to speak? Or moaners, gossipers, bores and everybody else who just sucks life out of you?
When it comes to ‘energy vampires’, because this is what we’re talking about, right?, you may need a different approach.
“Energy vampires’ are people make you feel deflated, guilty, negative, irritated, anxious, overwhelmed, down or bored, drained of your energy and will to live.
Psychologically speaking, these are people who are immature, self-centred, often emotionally incapable of giving and empathy.
Even if they don’ t take up too much of your time, the moments spend with them leave you feel like you have just been kissed by a Dementor.
How do you manage an energy vampire getting in the way of your work?
There are a number of ways, in which you can approach this issue. The actual strategy would depend, again on your personal preference and interpersonal style (Does it sound like you? Can you do it or not?), your relationship with the ‘vampire’ (is he/she your boss? Your mother? A distant relative? A colleague you don’t work with often?) Their effect on you (minor vs major, feeling bored/stressed/depressed), and other things.
- Keep your own emotional energy up by maintaining a positive support network, self-esteem, sense of purpose, regular reflections on your feelings.
- Don’t let them suck the life out of you when you are interacting with them. Remind yourself you have a choice of accepting or rejecting their point of view, arguing with it, or not. Don’t let their words and emotions take up space or linger in your head or your heart. Take a step back, creating a ‘sanity buffer’ and putting their words and action in perspective. Boost up your internal energy by self-affirmation and a clear sense of your purpose, values and worldview.
- Keep it light and short. If you don’t have to interact with at a deeper level, keep your interactions focused on light topics. Change the topic tactfully when you feel it’s drifted towards the dark, gloomy, unwanted content.
- Walk away if you can. What’s your motivation for having this person in your life at this stage? What’s the price you’re paying for it? Is it worth it? If the cost/benefit ration of this relationship is negative, consider walking away from it or putting firm boundaries/limits on any interactions. You may want to think of less impactful ways of communicating, e.g. Emails instead of face-to-face meetings or phone calls, or time-limited calls. Try being as much in control of those interactions as you can, e g. by you calling the person instead of the person calling you.
Get your will to live back
Still clutching at the paperweight or grinding your teeth wishing your chatty officemate finished their Saturday Night fever’s story?
Let go of it. Relax.
There is another way to stop your interrupting colleagues, family members and friends from invading your workspace at the wrong time.
In fact, there is more than one way – safe, respectful and not ending in jail. Moreover – you get to keep good relationships with those people. And you won’t come across as a selfish jerk.
Go on, pick one and try it.
Get your productivity, energy and will to live back on track.
See, how good it feels?
